BLOG 9/20/2012...SHAME It would seem no matter how much a person attempts to live their life without regret, shame and guilt seem to try and weasel their way into the mind and heart, causing damage in their wake. Humilation seems to hold the cards and there doesn't seem any way of getting them back. What is a person to do? What We Get Wrong About Shame an article in Psychology Today, written by Jane Bolton, PsyD., MFT breaks down the idea of shame as something that we are misinformed as to what it really is. If you are experiencing shame and would like someone to talk with, please click the Contact Us link on this website and I can get back to you. Lets stop living in shame and start living our lives without regrets. 10/25/2012...Boundaries Setting It has been a week of discussion with my clients, setting boundaries and keeping to them. This is self-respect. Not allowing an individual(s) to fulling manipulate you into doing something you are not comfortable with or telling you how to live your life is self-respect, it is taking responsibility for your self and your actions, and not laying blame on someone else because we are too afraid to speak up for ourselves. Yes, there are experiences and circumstances in our lives that may have brought us to where we are today, but it doesn't mean we continue to play the victim; and tell me, how is this self-respect? Its time to take control of your own life and stop allowing others to tell you how to live it. 11/5/12...Lets Get Inspired and Empowered I've been thinking of my upcoming coaching event in a few weeks and thinking of what I want to talk about; when two things seem to be in the forefront of my mind. So, I thought I would choose one of the thoughts and talk about it here. Fear...hmm, what a word. It can insight and conjure up so many negative and powerful thoughts, doesn't it? I've been asked lately what was I afraid of? Though I have lots of things I'm afraid of, I think the fear of succeeding is one of the most scariest things for me. I can hear you now, wait a minute Mary, you mean fear of failure, right? No, you read correctly, I have a fear of succeeding. I don't have a problem failing, well, let me rephrase that, I don't have a problem NOT trying something important or big, and to me that is a failing, not trying is failing. But if I try, what happens if I become good at it? When I think of success, I think of so many positive things, money, freedom, etc., but, then there is that dreaded word (even now I sighed heavily when I thought of the word) expectations. Then what are the expectations? They can be anything my mind conjures. One of the things I am going to talk about at the event is becoming a published author. Its something I've always wanted to become. I wrote the book(s), yeah and they are published. YEAH!!! Then someone asked me, what have I done to get myself out there (promote myself)? I thought, why would I want to do that? (fear of succeeding) and the gentleman hit it right on the head, you are afraid that someone isn't going to like what I have to say. Well the truth is, I already know there are LOTS of people that don't like what I have to say or how I said it. Doesn't matter, there are lots of people who need to hear what I have to say and the books were written for them. It took me a bit to figure this out, and boy, I am glad I did. Those things that scare me still scare me, but they can't keep me from doing what I want to do and follow through to completion. There is always going to be something that wants to hold me back, but, I can't be the one doing it. I don't want to be the one who sabotages myself.
Mary Ann Speight, MA, LMFT, 190 Sierra Court, C-4, Palmdale, CA 93550 (909) 529-6205 |
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